Noelle | Monday, February 20, 2012 Battlecat has been searching in the night. His search term, "xxxxxccccccccccceeeeeeeeeeeee," returned this top result, translated from Chinese:
;)
Noelle | Saturday, February 18, 2012 
Overheard P on the phone, spelling his last name for someone: "V as in victrola, A as in abounding, N as in neutron bomb, space as in space bar, H as in heterogenous (which he pronounced hetero-jenny-us), E as in ecstatic, S as in synaesthesia, T as in first name Mr."
Phil van Hest | Sunday, January 29, 2012 N: What's a fartknocker? Is that a thing?
P: (silence.) (Sleeping.)
N: IS IT?????!!!!!
P: (Awake, it turns out.) Oh my god Noelle. What part of me having my beauty sleep mask on don't you understand?!?! Etymology unknown. Christ.
Phil van Hest | Friday, January 27, 2012 Not that I have time to write this, but I am becoming a community. To honor this transition in my life, Behold the Turtle! My dear friend Carly Lyn has graciously allowed me to utilize it's severe beauty for the website, and you may absorb its wonder at the top of every page. Until I have to put a new one up, at which point, just for her and this turtle, I will start a page dedicated to mast-heads so you can always visit.
Toujours la tortue!
Phil van Hest | Tuesday, January 17, 2012 
This is the best baby Jesus I have ever seen. Let the caption contest begin. My offensive (yet nuanced) entry is as follows.
"WHADDUP YO! LET'S GET SOME GOD UP IN THIS BITCH!"
Noelle | Sunday, January 1, 2012 P: You know that funny thing I said this morning that we were trying to remember?
N: Yeah. Did you remember it?
P: Was it that I was a Closet Organizer?
N: Yes! That WAS it.
P: Well I remembered it as I was farting in the closet.
(N looks over at closet.)
N: Oh my GOD, you didn't even close the closet!
P: I closed it most of the way.
Phil van Hest | Tuesday, December 27, 2011 This is a comedic monologue I wrote about why Shopping Season gets me down. It has a happy Poop Log themed musical ending.
