Things I am thankful for. Yes.
1. My living body
4. Tammy Wynette
5. The feminist movement, for making divorce and Tammy Wynette OK
6. All the people who make me laugh
7. Pinot Grigio (for now)
8. Parents who love their children
10. The handle grips on bicycle handlebars
11. Mustard Seeds
12. Equestrian police officers
13. Junior Mints
14. Cotton underwear WITH ELASTIC BANDS!
16. "I Heart..." phrases
17. Spinal fluid
18. Running shoes
20. That asshole who invented killer bees, for showing us how stupid we really are
21. Dichroic glass
22. Whirling Dirvishes
23. Salvador Dali
26. The Wizard of Oz
28. Photographic Technology
30. The letter V (it feels so good to say)
31. MySpace (tough to admit, but just think about all the passive aggression and vain satisfaction we would miss out on!)
32. Goat cheese
33. Humor, American and otherwise
35. Gary Carter, Orthopedic Technician
36. Lambskin Condoms
37. Percussion instruments
38. Optical cable
40. The Bedazzler
45. Poetic justice
46. The DJ
50. A woman's right to choose (before the third trimester, at least)
56. Ecstasy (spiritual, etc.)
61. You get the idea
63. Guttural laughter
66. Poofball fungi
67. Walt Disney
68. Coat hangers
71. Peep shows
72. The VFW Halls of America
73. The coagulative properties of blood
76. Especially Roald Dahl
81. The sounds of the piano
84. Yang, I guess
85. Rubber cement
87. Self-adhesive envelopes
86. Optical illusions
88. Extra anything
89. Worms, all varieties except intestinal parasites
90. File drawers
92. Hot chocolate
93. Coin purses
95. Gay marriage
96. Curly hair
98. Non-violent resistance
99. Cranberry Juice
100. New York City
103. Monistat 7
105. Indoor plumbing
107. The Art of Noise
108. Small towns
109. Genuine kindness
110. Hookers (the world would be much less peaceful without them)
112. Renewable fuels
114. Stanley Kubrick
117. Coyote, the Geology Museum Docent in Boise, ID
118. The printing press
119. Automatic billing
121. German witch balls
124. Stephen Colbert's speech at the 2006 White House Press Correspondent's Dinner
126. People who don't care what other people think of them
127. The vomit reflex
128. Pooper scoopers
134. High hopes
135. Mourning Doves
137. Moments where everything comes into focus and the future seems a little less difficult, for a moment
139. Cynics (trust no one, love thyself)
140. Jack o'lanterns
141. Synchronized swimming
142. I Love Lucy
143. Tim Burton
144. Big ideas
145. Loose change
147. Ol' Blue Eyes
149. Heat waves
151. The past
155. Animal (the Muppet)
158. The wheel
160. Big Sur
163. Scotch Tape
166. Hydroelectric power
168. Good luck
169. Morning glories
174. The Internet
176. Pre-natal care
177. Slinky, it's slinky, for fun it's a wonderful toy...
178. wool-cashmere blends
179. NatraCare organic unbleached cotton feminine products
180. Wernicke's area
181. Oil pastels
182. That Russian surfer shoe-repairman in Manhattan
184. The Smurfs
185. Nate Dogg
187. Al Gore
189. That homeless guy who had a house-on-wheels set up on his bicycle, with an elevated, carpeted seat for his cat
190. My teeth, tongue, lips, and jaw
191. Clowns, all sorts
192. Structural integrity
196. Drinky poos
198. Common decency
199. Poodle butts
200. Mnemonic devices
201. High School, mostly
204. Petran Bridges, hospitality staff at the clubhouse of the Audubon Park golf course in New Orleans, LA
205. Mushroom spore-prints
206. The Royal Barracks
207. My sofa
209. Clove cigarettes
211. Brazilian BBQ
212. The hero's journey
215. My Sony Ericsson w600i
216. People who don't spit in public
218. My kidneys
219. Ctrl + Alt + Delete
226. Men's butts
227. Day hikes
228. Nature boys
229. Upside down-ness
230. Public transportation
231. Girls who dress nice and pretty
234. Crash test dummies
239. Eyes, especially brown ones
242. The parts that make you say "oh my god"
243. The infinitesimal reflective room
246. The Yellow Pages
249. People who buy art
250. Crank calls
251. Electric light bulbs
252. Aerobic respiration
253. Pliable joints
255. Brazen women
257. That new-fangled magic clamp wine bottle opener
259. Vinegar baths
260. Candles that smell like Christmas
261. Playing hookey
262. Crap fashion
263. Museums, sometimes
264. Tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwiches
266. Convection ovens
267. People who "let you in"
268. Michael Jackson
269. "Save Picture As"
270. Green leafy vegetables
271. Tor House
272. Paved roads
273. People who like and/or collect unicorns and fairies
276. Courtesy clerks
277. Extra extra sharp cheddar cheese
279. Beaded handbags
280. Honesty, used with discretion
281. The Pacific Nautilus
282. The new suture-glue
285. Digital media
289. Meows and Kerowrs
292. Rolley Coasters
293. This mess we're in
295. A sign which reads "Please advise us if you desire the use of Nitrous Oxide!"
296. Spaghetti strainers
297. Water filtration systems
298. Chuck E's Sketch Book
301. Dance Fever
302. National Parks
304. Soft things
305. Jiminey Cricket
306. The crash
310. Really, really good food
311. That guy at the courthouse
312. Smart-aleck remarks
313. Nature television
314. Wrecking balls
315. The now
316. the word "cooter"
317. Square One
318. The Electric Company
319. School House Rock
320. Sesame Street
321. 3-2-1 Contact
322. The girl next door who sings at the top of her lungs, badly
323. People who give gifts for no reason
326. Inline skates
328. Crossword puzzles
329. Dill pickles without pebbles in them
330. Edible panties
331. Black licorice
Things I am thankful for. Yes.
A Vintage Post, retrieved from Scrubbed Innocence
This is an interview created by myself and conducted with myself. I invite you to copy and paste with your own responses as a comment.
What was the cause of your favorite scar?
I have a weird dot on my forehead from chickenpox at age 9. My mom bought be a Peaches 'n' Cream Barbie to make me feel better, so the scar reminds me of P'n'C.
What was the last thing you injected into your flesh?
Probably a Tetanus shot after I accidentally cut myself with a sword.
Why did you last bleed?
why do you think?
Have you ever chipped your tooth on someone elses body jewelry?
No. My own, once.
Who was the last person you punched, and why?
I think it was my 8-year-old nephew. We were boxing.
Recall the last person who hurt you. How did you hurt them back (or fantasize about hurting them)?
I can't tell you because it is probably illegal. I will tell you that it involves a broomstick and rock salt. It does NOT involve any orifices. Honestly.
What percentage of your brain is damaged by lesions resulting from drug use?
Have you ever carved Slayer into your forearm?
No, but one of my elementary school classmates did.
A vintage post retrieved from Scrubbed Innocence.
Addressing a survey from AnnaMorph.
"Twenty-one Questions" <---clever.
ONE. Spell your name without vowels.
None of your beeswax.
TWO.Are you single?:
I'm not pregnant, if that's what you mean.
THREE.How many pair of jeans do you own?:
Many. I have a nice bootay. These questions were written by an eight-year-old, weren't they?
FOUR.What color do you wear most?:
FIVE.Least favorite color?:
SIX.Last song you heard?:
The Dresden Dolls: Sing.
SEVEN.Where do you wish you were?
I can't tell you, but it involves sweat. [Anna Morph, regarding your comment, did you know that my great uncle was a mayor of Palermo? Perhaps you can channel his spirit. I know how you have a thing for dead people, and I'm sure he spoke the language of love... do Sicilians speak any other language?]
EIGHT.Are you happy with your life right now?
Yes and no. I'm happy with everything from my skin and inward, but the surrounding space could use a controlled burn, and then a rising from the ashes.
NINE.Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity?
I used to get Claire Danes a lot, when I had red hair.
TEN.What is your favorite time in school?:
The time when the teacher does a banana dance and a sock puppet show.
ELEVENDo you shop at stores like Hollister, Abercrombie & ae?
I don't even know what these stores are. I hate shopping for clothes. I wish I never ever had to do it. I am SO grateful whenever people give me garments of any sort, and I will wear anything I am given, for these kind souls have saved me from what I consider one of the most torturous experiences of being female. There is NOTHing more annoying than trying to fit into some standard-sized piece of cloth and having an 18-year-old OC brat looking over your shoulder in the mirror going "OH that looks so KEY-OOT on you, ohmygod, it looks really GRAYt." You know what I think would look great? The look on my face if I never had to go clothes-shopping ever again. OR the look on that OC Brat's face when I say, "Yeah, it looks really nice how my aureolas peek out over this awesome neckline... what, you don't know what an aureola is???"
TWELVE.How do you make money?
I charge people twenty-five cents each time they look at me.
FOURTEEN.When do/did you start Summer Break?:
FIFTEENAre you missing someone right now?:
SIXTEEN.One word to describe you.
SEVENTEEN.Favorite pair of shoes?
A sweet pair of crushed-turquoise-velvet Chuck Taylor low-tops, which I wore almost every day from the age of 14-16. If you knew me then, you probably knew and touched my crushed blue Chucks, because I was always encouraging people to pet them, but you never had them up next to your ears, because I was so pure and virginal then. The shoes became too old and threadbare eventually, so at age 16 I traded them to Elizabeth Crummett in exchange for her Doc Martens, which I gave to Goodwill last year.
EIGHTEEN.Do you own big sunglasses?:
Just got some last week for purposes of incognito public transit.
NINETEEN.What would you rather be doing right now?
Curling up in a warm armpit.
TWENTY.What should you be doing right now? Whatever I want.
TWENTY-ONE.Do you have a crush on anyone?:
No, but there's someone I'd like to lift my leg to and piss on. There's someone whose eyeballs I would like to pluck and eat with a fork. There's someone who makes me want to bite my fingertips off and whose pheromonal scent makes my loins gush like they were age 15. There's someone whose existence lately often compels me to shout (silently, to myself), "Hey Mister-Hot-Funny-Fuck-Me-In-the-Morning-and-Joke-with-Me-at-Night-While-the-World-Bakes-In-A-Nuclear-Oven-and-Are-You-Going-To-Eat-That-Or-Can-I-Just-Lick-It-Off-Your-Face?-And-Please-Let-Me-Tear-Out-Your-Brains-And-Shove-Them-Up-My-Nostrils-and-In-My-Mouth-and-Down-My-Throat-Until-The-Gray-Brain-Stuff-Touches-Me-'There'... ...COULD YOU PLEASE _NOT_ turn out to be just another fuck?" ...Is that the same as having a crush? I don't really know.
A Vintage Post, retrieved from Scrubbed Innocence
Mimi is in the hospital. My grandma. The tartiest tart to ever eat Almond Roca or Ferraro Rocher (you can roll up the wrappers into ‘golden nuggets and string ‘em on a necklace… did you ever think o’ that, kid?!).
Mimi can be a real bitch at times. She has an unwavering sense of entitlement, yet she isn’t a woman of any great social status. She has never been rich—in fact, she’s been through 4 husbands and managed to end up with only government pennies. I can only imagine that the source of her snobbish attitude is her beauty—as a younger woman, Mildred was ssssssssmokin’ hot. So I’m sure most people, men especially, treated her in a certain worshipful way, which she became accustomed to. Her sex was her power. But now that she’s old and falling apart, and looks pretty much like everyone else, she ain’t so special anymore. If you don’t know her, that is.