Gross and Fun Cuts and Body Parts

A Vintage Post, retrieved from Scrubbed Innocence

This is an interview created by myself and conducted with myself. I invite you to copy and paste with your own responses as a comment.

What was the cause of your favorite scar?
I have a weird dot on my forehead from chickenpox at age 9. My mom bought be a Peaches 'n' Cream Barbie to make me feel better, so the scar reminds me of P'n'C.

What was the last thing you injected into your flesh?
Probably a Tetanus shot after I accidentally cut myself with a sword.

Why did you last bleed?
why do you think?

Have you ever chipped your tooth on someone elses body jewelry?
No. My own, once.

Who was the last person you punched, and why?
I think it was my 8-year-old nephew. We were boxing.

Recall the last person who hurt you. How did you hurt them back (or fantasize about hurting them)?
I can't tell you because it is probably illegal. I will tell you that it involves a broomstick and rock salt. It does NOT involve any orifices. Honestly.

What percentage of your brain is damaged by lesions resulting from drug use?
What?
ME?

Have you ever carved Slayer into your forearm?
No, but one of my elementary school classmates did.

When was your last visit to the dentist?
About a year ago. I know, I'm disgusting.

What was the reason for your visit?
I chipped one of my molars on a little rock that was hiding inside a dill pickle.

Which anaesthetic was used?
Just the dulling smog of Southern California.

Are you missing any body parts or organs?
I'm missing approximately 13 percent of my left kidney. I guess it's still kind of there, but it's been scarred into uselessness.

Have you ever incurred a major incision as a result of drunkenness?
No.

Have you ever inflicted a major incision upon someone else, as a result of drunkenness?
No. But looking back, I wish I had.

What was the cause of the most painful sensation youve ever had?
It's a toss-up: Having a camera inserted up my urethra and into my bladder, OR the pain of the infection that necessitated the bladder cam.

How did you cope?
I told the doctor "FUCK! GET THAT FUCKING THING OUT OF ME!" And when he didn't, I said, "FUCK!!! THAT HURTS!". I coped with the infection pain by whining all the time.

When was the last time you got burned with a cigarette?
Probably when I was at some rave, in my youth.

When was the last time you got burned?
About a month ago. Luckily, it was a flame easily extinguished.

Have you ever cried so hard that your eyeballs came out of your head and your optical nerves got tangled up in your hair?
Yes. Oh heavens yes. And all my teeth fell out into my lap.

Which species do you hope will become endangered next?
Either our own, or the killer bee. One of us has got to go.

Would you rather spend $3.11 on a gallon of gas or a Café Mocha?
oh my GOD a mocha is NOT as good as a trip to the hills. i sound like a hillbilly. i think i am one. that's fine.

Do you have real IBS?
I'm clean and green. IBS isn't a real disease, anyway. IBS means you eat crap and are a stress case, and you need to see a nutritionist and a therapist instead of taking prilosec or whatever the heck.

Do you honestly believe that IBS is a condition resulting from factors other than stress and a diet of shit-food?
oh. see?!

Have you ever been jabbed in the face, in your adult life?
Spiritually, yes.

What steps are you taking now to prepare for your adult onset diabetes?
I'm getting acquainted with the sugar free menu at Hof's Hut. Also, I'm experimenting with yellow shades of nailpolish.

Please describe a cut or bruise that you have currently.
I went skating for a lot of hours the other week, and some weird plastic part of my skate dug into my skin and rubbed it right off.

Please describe your favorite nurse (real or wished for).
Massage slave. Male. Has sandy-velvety singing voice, which can be employed while massaging, on occasion. Wears nice shoes. Has perfectly groomed hands. Will respond instantly when I ask for a cup of soup or a Big Stick.