I've Started Wearing Padded Bras. Part I.

As an experiment in ladyhood, I've begun wearing "enhanced" bras.  It might be more accurate to say that I have started wearing bras AT ALL.  I had owned the same four bras since 2005, until last month when I made an emergency purchase (trust me on that) from Victoria's Secret online -- two colors of the Miracle Bra, one multi-way Biofit Bra, and one Body by Victoria bra. 

My old bras were rarely worn, and at some point in their mid-life I accidentally put them in the dryer for too long and melted all their elastane.  I kept them and wore them on rare occasions when I just absolutely had to cover my nips with SOMEthing and couldn't get around to some good old fashioned pasties.  But in their melted state, these bras were more like toilet paper squares held up by party ribbons.  I didn't care.  That's how little regard I had for bras, and for my own boobs.

As for my new bras, Victoria's Secret advertised all of them as "enhanced" or "augmented" or "lightly lined."  But if you saw me, you wouldn't say, "Oh, Noelle is looking rather perky today," or "Noelle's sweater sure does fit her more nicely than I ever remember it fitting."  No.  You would say HOLY BAJEEZUS GAWD, THOSE ARE SOME FLUFFY BOOBS!  Now, on my more hormonally augmented days, I can fill an A-cup.  Most bra-makers don't even make bras small enough to fit me.  This is the main reason I have gone bra-less for most of my life.  But after a recent domestic incident (more on this later), I found myself in URGENT need of new bras.

According to Women's Day Magazine, every woman NEEDS at least three bras: everyday, sports, and strapless.  WELL, friends, you'll be pleased to know, I can call myself a woman without an implied desperate invitation to join me in a psychotic sham. 

A few years ago, when I taught grammar and poetry (quaint, right?) at a university, I dressed professionally, but underneath my suit jackets I was free-titting (is that the female version of free-balling?).  One of my post-semester evaluations from a student said this, and only this:  "You should really wear a bra. It is unprofessonial [sic] to not wear a bra."

I thought about this comment for several braless weeks and eventually, instead of wearing bras, chose to privately hate that student for the rest of her B-earning life.  Now, years later, I am kicking myself in the boobs for having then had so little faith in bra technology.  People, BRAS HAVE CHANGED.  I still think they are HILarious garments.  But maybe this is because I haven't ever been able to enjoy the bounty of cleavage.  Until now, anyway.  Until my NEW, HUGELY padded miraculous bras arrived.  Now, life has a whole new meaning, and that meaning is, LOOK AT MY BOOBS, EVERYONE!

(to be continued...)