Survey Says: Lame Game

A vintage post retrieved from Scrubbed Innocence.

Addressing a survey from AnnaMorph. 

"Twenty-one Questions"  <---clever.

ONE. Spell your name without vowels.
None of your beeswax.

TWO.Are you single?:
I'm not pregnant, if that's what you mean.

THREE.How many pair of jeans do you own?:
Many. I have a nice bootay. These questions were written by an eight-year-old, weren't they?

FOUR.What color do you wear most?:
orange.

FIVE.Least favorite color?:
Navy bleu.

SIX.Last song you heard?:
The Dresden Dolls: Sing.

SEVEN.Where do you wish you were?
I can't tell you, but it involves sweat. [Anna Morph, regarding your comment, did you know that my great uncle was a mayor of Palermo? Perhaps you can channel his spirit. I know how you have a thing for dead people, and I'm sure he spoke the language of love... do Sicilians speak any other language?]

EIGHT.Are you happy with your life right now?
Yes and no. I'm happy with everything from my skin and inward, but the surrounding space could use a controlled burn, and then a rising from the ashes.

NINE.Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity?
I used to get Claire Danes a lot, when I had red hair.

TEN.What is your favorite time in school?:
The time when the teacher does a banana dance and a sock puppet show.

ELEVENDo you shop at stores like Hollister, Abercrombie & ae?
I don't even know what these stores are. I hate shopping for clothes. I wish I never ever had to do it. I am SO grateful whenever people give me garments of any sort, and I will wear anything I am given, for these kind souls have saved me from what I consider one of the most torturous experiences of being female. There is NOTHing more annoying than trying to fit into some standard-sized piece of cloth and having an 18-year-old OC brat looking over your shoulder in the mirror going "OH that looks so KEY-OOT on you, ohmygod, it looks really GRAYt." You know what I think would look great? The look on my face if I never had to go clothes-shopping ever again. OR the look on that OC Brat's face when I say, "Yeah, it looks really nice how my aureolas peek out over this awesome neckline... what, you don't know what an aureola is???"

TWELVE.How do you make money?
I charge people twenty-five cents each time they look at me.

FOURTEEN.When do/did you start Summer Break?:
Huh?

FIFTEENAre you missing someone right now?:
um, yeah.

SIXTEEN.One word to describe you.
Supercalifragilisticexpialifuckindocious.

SEVENTEEN.Favorite pair of shoes?
A sweet pair of crushed-turquoise-velvet Chuck Taylor low-tops, which I wore almost every day from the age of 14-16. If you knew me then, you probably knew and touched my crushed blue Chucks, because I was always encouraging people to pet them, but you never had them up next to your ears, because I was so pure and virginal then. The shoes became too old and threadbare eventually, so at age 16 I traded them to Elizabeth Crummett in exchange for her Doc Martens, which I gave to Goodwill last year.

EIGHTEEN.Do you own big sunglasses?:
Just got some last week for purposes of incognito public transit.

NINETEEN.What would you rather be doing right now?
Curling up in a warm armpit.

TWENTY.What should you be doing right now? Whatever I want.

TWENTY-ONE.Do you have a crush on anyone?:
No, but there's someone I'd like to lift my leg to and piss on. There's someone whose eyeballs I would like to pluck and eat with a fork. There's someone who makes me want to bite my fingertips off and whose pheromonal scent makes my loins gush like they were age 15. There's someone whose existence lately often compels me to shout (silently, to myself), "Hey Mister-Hot-Funny-Fuck-Me-In-the-Morning-and-Joke-with-Me-at-Night-While-the-World-Bakes-In-A-Nuclear-Oven-and-Are-You-Going-To-Eat-That-Or-Can-I-Just-Lick-It-Off-Your-Face?-And-Please-Let-Me-Tear-Out-Your-Brains-And-Shove-Them-Up-My-Nostrils-and-In-My-Mouth-and-Down-My-Throat-Until-The-Gray-Brain-Stuff-Touches-Me-'There'... ...COULD YOU PLEASE _NOT_ turn out to be just another fuck?" ...Is that the same as having a crush? I don't really know.